there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
