You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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