Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
