Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
