it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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