I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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