I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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