her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
