i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
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