I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
In other news, I just burned my penis
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
