My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
