and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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