god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
