I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
