apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
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He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
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Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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