Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I have feelings that need drinking.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Randomize
