Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
