Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I need to stop coming to work sober
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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