I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
