OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
