I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
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Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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