I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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