My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
