i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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