i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
