Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
