I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
