i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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