I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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