u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
if only i could text you this smell
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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