Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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