btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
