need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
