Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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