Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?