The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
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He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself