I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
