i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
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