Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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