just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
