im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
