I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
