I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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