We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
