You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
