i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
