so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
