Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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