I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
