Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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