Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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