im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
worst night to have a conscience
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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