I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
