hell yes lets make some ravioli
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
