Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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