i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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