Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
