I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
