just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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