There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I deserve this hangover.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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