I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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