i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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