I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
