I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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