I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
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