Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
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Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
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It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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