You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
