in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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