I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
