She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Sober January is a disaster.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
